Don’t blame the lettuce!
To truly live you must ride the waves of life.
I’m not talking about surfing, where in Portugal surfers risk their lives to ride 80 mph waves. Where apparently the thrill far outweighs the risk. I will take their word for it! I’m talking about riding the waves of life from decisions we make.
Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you are drowning?
The good news is you are here reading this, so that tells me you continued to tread water and got through the waves, well done.
Well in 44 years there have been waves I never thought I could come through, times when I thought I would drown. Situations where I would ask out loud what on earth did I do to deserve this. As a result of feeling so hopeless, I went in to self pity, poor me. Then BANG, the point of my blog today, I learnt a cop out strategy! A thing called BLAME!
WHO can I blame for this rough ride? Surely this is not my fault. I stepped into the water, but it was calm and looked exciting, then the waves started and it got rough. Someone dragged me in this rough water, I am the victim, bla bla blab la bla ……stop stop stop right there missus!
NO-ONE made me do anything. It was my choice. To make change, you have to change something and no one ever said it would be easy to live an extraordinary life.
Do me a favour and stick a finger out, like you are pointing to a person you blame. Look at your hand. With the 1 you are sticking forward 3 fingers are pointing to the only person that needs to take responsibility.
So where do you go from there, knowing the blame game is pointing 3 fingers right back!
Well here is another twist, How about if you do blame yourself? What does self-blame actually do?
I can tell you categorically it does nothing. It goes around and around in circles, in your head, it does nothing for the situation to be resolved and causes yourself more problems in disappointment maybe depression or anxiety.
We can self-talk anything! We are our own worst & best judge! So when we take RESPONSIBILITY not BLAME for the things that are just not working out for us, it EMPOWERS us.
Here is some of the ways I have learnt to deal with waves, hurdles, challenges whatever you would like to call them.
- Release the pressure cooker and have a good old cry! That’s optional! But necessary if you think your lid is about to explode!
- Think clearly about the situation that lead you into the water before the waves got rough. It was probably pretty exciting to start. Would it have been worth it if the waves hadn’t started? (Usually with the outcome you saw in your vision, the answer would be YES, it would have been very worth it)
- What can you learn from that experience.
- Write down at least 10 things that you are grateful for. Those really warm fuzzy in the belly things you are grateful for. Often we forget what amazing things surround us when fear is stealing your dreams.
- Tell yourself loud and clear, WELL DONE for being human. Then forgive yourself for being awesome in trying.
- Finally as my Sister said to me and probably the most powerful of all advice in stormy waters, “What is the worst that can happen” “Will someone die” most of the time the answer will be no!
When you answer those questions the situation starts to become more controllable, the waves start to calm, it enables us to think clearer, with less emotion and more gratitude to the important things in life.
You are in control of you, no-one else can create any emotion in you that you are not willing to have.
Bang, bing, pow, pong, bong…..deflect the negative emotions! Yes make those sounds too, it’s pretty funny!
The most wonderful thing I have listened to recently is the ‘The Four Agreements’ if you haven’t read of listened to it I really would recommend it.